My Best Friend's Wedding
by GEFM 420
Summary: A future fic first person narrative of an exbest friend's feelings about Clark's upcoming wedding. Twist Ending.


**My Best Friend's Wedding**

**By: GEFM**

When I saw the invitation it didn't shock me; at least, not nearly as much as the sight of them kissing outside of _The_ _Planet_ a few years ago. It really shouldn't have taken me so long to notice what was going on between them, especially because I knew the two had been getting closer over our time apart.

Maybe I still thought our sister-like relationship meant more, that those inherent lines would never be crossed.

Maybe I still thought Clark was going to come back to me, the way I'd always dreamed he would, the way he'd once promised me he would.

Maybe I still believed _'meant to be'_ meant more than it did, because clearly, after so many false starts, trip ups, and perils, it didn't.

I had my own life now, things I was very proud to call my own, accomplishments to boast over the most successful of people. I had chosen this life for myself, for all three of us actually.

And yet somehow, here I was sitting before my mantle, watching their names be engulfed by the fire. Immaturity governing me the way it once easily did in high school. I swept the tears from my gravely pale face, enjoying the feel of my nails grating across my face as I did so

Pain. I could still sense it, though barely.

I hadn't been out in the sunlight in days, the grim loom of the coming nuptials hanging over me like a dark cloud.

'_I am strong. I am strong'_, I tell myself.

The mantra only enforces my intense fragility.

Weddings were not my thing, even my own proved less cheerful that I would like. Some said it was a fitting and advantageous union, others that I was making a huge mistake, one that I should marry him instead.

It hurt to know that even if I professed my undying unrelenting feelings for him today, just as he'd hoped for that day in the past it would mean nothing. He didn't love me.

He loved her.

They went to that dance together back in high school, but that had been meaningless. At the end of the day he still wanted to be with the girl next door, the girl that has long since disappeared from reality.

The girl that even I have trouble recalling.

That might have been the start of it all, of seeing each other in a romantic sense. If so they both hid it well, from me and from one another.

Looking back, it's hard seeing them as anything but platonic bantering friends. I always thought our relationship meant more to him than hers did, and I think it did, but somehow that didn't change the outcome.

He was marrying her, knowing I was still unsure about us and that I still could be…persuaded.

He loved her and didn't love me.

I had my time with him, a stretch of years when we continued to deny our feelings and side step our interests. Learning his secret certainly facilitated things, but even then it was too late. I should have known not to pursue him, it just made the pain of saying 'I do' to another man so much more difficult to over come.

I had thought it was right, because he was who he was, and I didn't know if I could be selfless enough to see him fly away everyday and know he might not come back. I was proud of him and always did my best to protect him whenever I could but deep down it was hard. Even back then, it was hard to know he could be killed…and harder to know he might never know how I really felt.

Oh, I really loved him. I loved him…I-I—I love him.

I can't remember the last time we kissed. Isn't that sad? I've tried to back track and figure it out somehow but I can't. It's been blocked from memory.

The last desperate remainder of what we once were, lost from my subconscious.

And I cry. I cry for what we lost, for what I lost, and the loveless life I have chosen.

I remember her urging him to stop me and I remember thinking she would always look out for me. That's just the way she was with me. Loyal to the core, she would do anything for me.

We were sisters, family. Three girls bound together with the sole purpose of being there and supporting each other. Though we diminished to two over the coming years, our bond remained.

Or maybe grand delusions have blinded me.

Our tattered and frayed relationship is all that we have to remind us now. Choices and battle lines were all drawn because of me. When I made the decision to abandon Clark she took him completely and I took my deserved half as well when I pushed Smallville away permanently.

His breath hits my back as we lie in bed, the night before the wedding. My husband of many years, whose own blindness both exults and infuriates me, is eternally blissful with our lives. He knew exactly who I was when I married him, what I was leaving behind, and what feelings still lingered. He was possessive, but he loved me too much to ever be threatening. I was perpetually the part of him that kept his insecurities at bay and he would not compromise that for anything.

Though he was wealthy I did not marry for money. Though he was loving, I did not marry for love.

I married for loyalty, security, and the promise that his life would always be protected.

I walk down the hall of a beautiful church; people scattered here and there in passionate discussion, in convivial atmosphere.

The welcoming board in the entryway read, "The Protestant Church of Smallville celebrates the union of CLARK KENT and LOIS LANE."

Today he would be married, my (once) best friend, to my 'sister'.

Naturally, I had been offered the maid of honor title, but declined not knowing whether I would be able to restrain myself when I saw her walking down the isle, thinking it ought to have been me there and she here by his side.

I knew she was nervous about me being here too. Who wasn't at least a little scared of their fiancé's ex?

I saw him leaning against the doorway of the reception room, watching as the various men arranged furniture and added the finishing touches to the decorations.

I didn't want to confront him yet, seeing as it wasn't the most gratifying moment, so I snuck away unseen back into one of the many passages that connected this room to the main hall.

Marching my way I found that I had quickly gotten lost, being unable to retrace my steps from this section of the building to the next. Confusion and nausea hit me in waves and made the room appear as if it were spinning, or perhaps spiraling down.

Then I saw him at the end of the hall, looking upon me at first with surprise, then joy, and finally concern. Grabbing me by the shoulder before I fainted, he smiled down on me. I looked into his eyes and thought 'My hero' but failed to get the words out.

"You okay?" I steadied myself and nodded.

Clark pulled me in for a full hug, remarking on how great it was to see me again. He didn't linger in my hair like he used to, nor did he hold me as close as he once did.

There was a distance between us neither of us could remedy.

"You look happy." I played along, like there wasn't a thing wrong in the world, or even the tiniest drop of bitterness hidden in my words.

His silly grin continued ignorantly, "Yeah, Yeah I am." It was nice to see that he lost the glasses for now. It was almost painful to see him hide his beautiful eyes that way, especially for someone who'd once gotten so attached to seeing them everyday.

He reached up and ran a hand through my hair. "So, you finally changed the color?"

I laughed, covering my reaction to his innocent touch. "I guess I got kind of bored of it."

"Well it's certainly different, if that's what you were aiming for." Taking a moment to twirl it in his fingers and then releasing it a second later. "I like it."

We were silent a moment and his face grew very serious. "I'm glad you came. It really means a lot to me."

I shook my head dismissively. "There's no reason that I shouldn't have. I mean, the invitation definitely surprised me but—"

"We wanted to tell you about the engagement—" He rushed out before I could continue.

"Oh, you don't have to explain. I wouldn't have told me either. But I'm happy I'm here and…I'm happy you found her Clark." I managed a smile. "She's right for you and I respect that. I think maybe I always knew that."

He laughed. "I wish I knew that sooner."

"But you know it now and all the days that will face you in the future, no matter how…trying they might be."

Catching my allusion, he embraced me again, this time harder. "Thank you."

I craned my neck from my seat at the forefront beside his gray-haired mother. I saw her father step out before her, an awkward step ahead of hers. Her smile shone almost inexplicably bright as she began to walk in time with him and the lovely music. Her brilliant white gown floated along with her on its path across the sea of flowers scattered on the floor. Her long envious brown hair peered out of her veil in professionally done in curls.

She was an image of beauty, my sister, and I unknowingly began to tear at the sight. As she grew closer I became more and more certain of her undeniable elation at this moment.

Her father removed the veil from her face and then took his seat across the isle from me.

She caught sight of me then, before she ascended the final steps to Clark. She was stricken, that much was clear, but there was something else in her deep brown eyes, a pride. Neither of us had a lot in our lives as far as bloodlines went, but we had this. Maybe it was an eternity ago, but we had it once.

"Hi." She mouthed to me.

I felt a single tear escape and streak down the side of my face. "You look so beautiful."

I thought she might step out of line and hug me, but instead settled for smiling wider. She turned her attention to Clark, who had been enamored with her every movement from the moment she stepped through the doorway.

I looked on as they said their 'I do's' and exchanged rings. None of it hurt. Maybe I was numb, or hallucinating, or maybe I was just taking this all really well for some reason. I expected to get level 4 smashed and sing Joni Mitchell ballads for the crowds, but it didn't happen.

I was calm and collected.

They kissed.

I was strong. _I am strong_.

And then someone handed me a mic, and being slightly inebriated, I gave a speech about two types of girls. How I was grown out of and she was grown into, except…without the names. She didn't look horrified so much as surprised that I ever read her plea or even remembered it after all this time. I spoke of our sister bond and the joy that I felt knowing she'd found a good man. Raising my glass, I offered my congratulations and wished them a long and happy marriage.

Because I was leaving early we said our good-byes at the door and I finally got my due hug from Chloe.

"I'm not going to lie. When I saw the red hair, I almost had to do a double take."

"Yeah I know." I flipped my hair out of habit. "But sometimes a girl's gotta make some changes to keep fresh."

Her eyebrows drew together. "Lana, you're 30 not 55."

"I think I got sick of being associated with 'raven-hair'. It's not the most inspiring color." Chloe chuckled amusedly.

"You may have just offended half the teenagers in the country."

Clark came up and put a possessive arm around her waist. He informed her that they had to go see his mother off.

She promised to visit me in DC sometime to see the kids, Pete, and the local shopping spots '"like old times". I joked that I didn't even remember what shopping was. We laughed together and hugged again.

Clark stepped in too and then I took off.

I turned back to see them walk back into the room, linked arm in arm like that forgotten dance all those years ago.

On my wedding day (the first one) as I drove off, he had looked on in desperation when I watched him, the limo moving us farther and farther apart. This time though, he didn't care to see me go. He didn't give me the same regretful look.

Because he had nothing to be regretful for.

And that angered me like a raging sea change. My passive serenity and artificial understanding was lost. All of a sudden, everything, all of this vile day angered me. The fact that he chose her and felt nothing, nothing for me infuriated me.

I stepped into my Porsche and hurriedly shifted gears to pull out. As I sped away into the night I tasted an unsettling bitterness in my mouth of the betrayal and remorse I had felt earlier this week.

I got the dreadful feeling that maybe…maybe I wasn't ready to be grown out of.

**THE END**


End file.
